It's been a while since I wrote anything at all here, it was those single song releases I made, yeah ... and after that quite a lot has happened. Actually because of all that has happened, it feels like eternity since I wrote anything here and ... it's not even 1,5 years since I wrote. I've never returned writing here from such tormenting experiences as the ones I've had during past 1,5 years.
It's been truly heavy, sad and dark times from 2022 december forwards personally speaking. On top of all that has happened and what I can write about here is a lot of death, in rather short period of time. Very soon after I last wrote here the black year of 2023 started. Why I call it as black year? Actually to be honest I've been calling it the year of death. You see, within 8 months (beginning from December 2022) my dad died, then at my place of work workpal from my team died, then my sister died and also one cousin of mine (2 years older than me) died. And then one more distant uncle of mine died as well. So, to say it was the year of death is not a bit of exaggeration.
The biggest shock & pain effect came from my bigsister's passing, because she died way too young. It was expected though, because of her fatal disease which couldn't be cured ... just a bit over one year after she was diagnosed, and even that she got really good treatment ... she was gone. Even knowing the end is coming for her, it was a big blow. And there was certain kind of musical bond between me and sister - I mean, think about this (related to Scumfusion) for example: She saw close by what kind of impact Napalm Death made on me with "scum" especially, in around 1988-89 - and she soon nicknamed me as "scumbag" :) ... heck, I even liked that "nick" myself, because it described so funnily how much early Napalm Death meant to me. One might think such a nick would be insulting, but I carried that nickname with humor and pride, really. It was insider joke between sister and me. And you know, Scumfusion, it's not hard to guess where the project's name comes from. Yeah. Memories remain ...
.. and back to topic of people dying; my dad's sudden death was sad of course, too, but unlike my sister he had a very long life. Every other death out of all these that I listed were more or less somewhat unexpected, but still it was sister's expected death which really broke me with sadness. At the same time I can only respect the way she took her coming death from the early days on after getting diagnosed ... after initial shock she took such an attitude about it, hey this is life, life and death, death is part of life, so better enjoy the time she has left, and she soon made a massive "death cleaning" herself (as she called the operation herself), went through all her things and even planned her own funeral from beginning to end. Respect, and love, big time. Tears start to form when I think about all that ... and yeah, in past years I've been writing songs for sister's cats which have died (there are some obituary pieces even in Scumfusion's catalog, for example "epitaphium" from "under exoriant light") and now I have no sister alive anymore ...
On top of all this, there's been some other major disruptions in everyday life, wife has had really tough times too lately ... not fatal, but generally speaking very heavy things indeed, like all that death wasn't enough already. If the saying "what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger" applies, I must be stronger than ... I don't know what? I can say it for sure, that year 2023 has been the darkest / heaviest year of my life so far, personally speaking. Totally. And I'm truly grateful that I'm still standing, mentally and physically fit. When it comes to all that death, it's getting better as dealing with sorrow is no longer as fresh and ripping as it once was. Sadness never goes away, of course, but at least I have the memories and lots of pictures and stuff ...
So, that was a very long intro, to sum it up: Lots of things can happen in one's life, it goes without saying - but then some (good) things don't go away, especially if you are passionate about those things. Music is one such thing, of course. I have many passions, but probably the biggest of them all has always been music. Be it listening or creating. I've been going to underground extreme metal gigs every now and then, actually quite a lot, and naturally listening to music as always - last Christmas santa (not me..) even brought us a special present; portable speaker that can deal with heat and water, so that now our family can listen to music also while in sauna ... ha! And we've been listening, too. Even our kid who is now 5 years old, is looking forward to weekly sauna session as "we get to listen some music as we are in sauna!" ... thankfully there is this child of ours bringing joy and happiness (in a way only small child can, innocence etc) to our lives during these dark times.
Recently after a break that feels like eternity, too, I took my dear Gibson and started playing ... and suddenly I had a song base which seems to reflect the dark waters I've been swimming lately. It feels an odd mixture of (if I had to put it into words) early Napalm Death of sorts combined with certain kind of strong Godflesh vibe, ehh ... it has slow, dragging heaviness, but also early Brutal Truth like blast parts and it all ends in plain chaos. You can guess how it feels? Well, it feels like ... Scumfusion material. I don't know how it will go from here on, but I'll write more as things progress. It could be a fitting outlet for the events of 2023, the darkest year of my life. Little screen capture below.
